he thought i was a dude.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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