Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Randomize
