If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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