you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize