she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
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