Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Barsexuality is the new black.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
