I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
