dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
