I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Help. Why am I so naked?
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