do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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