I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
