Can i not drive my cunt home
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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