sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
