Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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