i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Randomize
