dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Randomize