dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Did I show you my penis last night?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
