I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
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