I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
