Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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