Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
