I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
