we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
