I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
