Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
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