This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Randomize
