somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
