Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
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