A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
