You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
