Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Randomize
