Dual....:-)
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
