i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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