Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize