I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
