hell yes lets make some ravioli
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
