Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
