I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
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