time to smoke my breakfast
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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