i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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