thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
