Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Randomize