It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm passing your future prison.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
