Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
