dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I want her autograph on my taint
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
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