Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
