Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
