Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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