Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Never underestimate the power of titties
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
