So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
