So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
