Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize
