I think I died a long time ago.
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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