Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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