Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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