Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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