I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Shitshow foam night was such a success
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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