apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Randomize
