How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
