I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize