I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
