Old men and throwing up are my life now.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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