I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
