I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
