"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
