distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
