Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
