I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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