a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
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