I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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