you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
