how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
