saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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