it was like his penis was on wheels.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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