i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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