I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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