1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
