I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
