I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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