I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
