Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My balls are so social today.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
