So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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