im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
