My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
