he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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