R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
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