Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
This is classic penis vs brain.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Randomize
