He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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