if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
