jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize