hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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