the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize