dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
