i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
