Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
