That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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