hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
what day is it and did you see me today?
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
