you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
