before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Randomize
