so that wasnt chicken after all
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Randomize
