if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
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