OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
Randomize
