the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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