What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
