Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Randomize
