im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
