I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
