I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Dude I just clenched/unclenched my hindquarters while looking in the mirror I have fucking talent
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
