Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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