I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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