I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
